09/23/2019

You know who I really hate?

I hate lots of people, so if I’m throwing that “really” in there, then I must REALLY dislike whomever I’m about to mention. This shows you how serious I am about this hatred.

I wish all cyclists would cycle their way straight into hell, because then my roads will finally be free from the chains of their selfishness.

There’s a sidewalk 5 feet to your right, but you’re still going to take up the entire right lane?

Are you serious?

It’s rush-hour, bi*ch. Get a car, or ride on the sidewalk. You can’t have it both ways.  This isn’t another episode of the “Lance Armstrong Wannabe Show,” as fascinating of a television program as that would probably be.

Last Friday was the 5th time this month that a cyclist took up the entire right lane of the Long Island Expressway Service Road, which directly parallels the Long Island Expressway, travels at about the same speed, and is essentially, for all intents and purposes, its own expressway.

In other words, cyclists don’t belong on the Long Island Expressway Service Road.

Seeing a cyclist riding on the Long Island Expressway Service Road should be the equivalent of seeing a fish swimming down the middle of the street.

A cyclist has a much business being on the Long Island Expressway Service Road as an Irishman does being in the sun (I get to say this because I’m Irish—it’s totally allowed, so don’t even bother trying to use this to incriminate me in any way, because your efforts will be futile).

Don’t hit the cyclists, because that’s illegal. Instead, just make them feel very unwelcome by giving them the “stink-eye” whenever you see them cycling down the street with their stupid little “teardrop-shape” helmets that they use to disguise their pretentiousness as “aerodynamic-ness.”

Until next time,

Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder