Bananas are weird.
Like, I wonder what was running through the heads of the first banana-eaters.
They must’ve just bitten into it with no hesitation, right? I mean, realistically, there’s no way they had the intuition to go straight for the peeling technique.
Did they originally bite into one of the ends, or did they bite into the side of it, like a corn cob?
I wonder if they were eating bananas whole, peel included, for hundreds of years until one guy was finally like, “yo, it tastes, like, way better if you yank that outer crap right the hell off and just eat the inside part,” and then everybody was like, “well, what do we call that outer bit? We need to have a name for it, right? Do we call that part, like, ‘the banana exoskeleton?’” and the guy was like, “well, we PEELED it off, so we’ll just call it, like, the ‘peel’ or something,” and everybody’s minds were blown.
That guy was probably named “Jason Banana,” and now the fruit is his namesake.
Jason Banana instantly became a micro-influencer in his tribe. Everybody was like, “hey, Jason—what about coconuts? Do we use these as rocks? There’s no way we can eat this stuff, right?” and he was like, “I don’t know—try smashing it against a boulder or something LOL,” and smashing it against a boulder was EXACTLY what they did. Once that “oh-so-precious” coconut milk emerged through the cracks of the crushed outer shell, Jason Banana, totally shocked at the unexpected efficiency of his sarcastically offered coconut-technique, kept his true amazement a secret in order to keep up appearances. “See—told ya,” Jason Banana exclaimed. “Yo, Jason—you’re straight pimpin’! You’re on FIRE, Jason! You’re a star, Jason,” yelled the crowd.
This hit a nerve for Jason Banana. His mother died trying to hunt a cougar when he was just an infant, and he had a complicated relationship with his father, who once told Jason that he’d never amount to anything. Being called “a star” by a group of people who genuinely appreciated his existence was something Jason Banana had never experienced before.
Jason had difficulty comprehending this human affection, obviously due to his father’s emotional distance (Jason’s dad wasn’t a bad guy, though; he did the best he could as a single father). Ultimately. Jason Banana fled the village, wanting to live the rest of his life in total solitude. 9 years later, at the ripe old age of 13, Jason Banana tragically died after contracting dysentery, ironically from eating a bad batch of bananas.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
