I ran out of gum yesterday.
Those of you who don’t know me personally will not understand the incredible gravity of my previous statement.
For the last 5 years, I’ve chewed gum for every waking minute of my life, except during meals.
I know that sounds crazy, but it’s the truth.
Any minute of the day that I’m not asleep or eating a meal, I’m chewing gum.
Unfortunately, my mouth has grown quite accustomed to the constant gratification of gum, so the absence of Extra’s Polar Ice refreshing my salivary glands made a considerable impact on my Friday at work.
Knowing that my mouth would be salivating constantly throughout the day, I planned ahead for the incoming storm.
Morning time.
I shower, brush my teeth, and frantically search through my father’s dresser for my grandfather’s old flask.
Bingo.
I run to the bathroom, but not for the rapid excretion of bodily fluids.
I dump the Listerine directly into the flask.
It overfloweth.
Bingo again.
Vroom vroom.
I sit at my desk, staring at an open spreadsheet, mouth salivating, probably because it’s thinking, “yo, where my gum at? Gimme some of that minty gum, my man. I want that Extra. Damn, I’d even take Trident at this point, and you know how much brand loyalty I have for Extra, so you know I’m hurting real bad.”
But I had no gum.
Sorry, mouth.
I can’t pull out my flask full of mouthwash while sitting at my desk, because my coworkers will think I’m a lunatic.
I can’t go to the bathroom, because if anybody walks in and sees me taking a swig of a flask (despite the fact that it’s full of mouthwash), they will report me to HR.
Glug-glug-glug. The mouthwash swooshes around the sink, down the drain, never to be seen again by human eyes.
Bye-bye mouthwash.
Another seemingly good idea—soiled.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
