I think gingers need to form an official, government-recognized society.
There’s a certain bond amongst the members of the ginger community that cannot be replicated by people of any other natural hair color (which reminds me—I need to discuss people who DYE their hair red, specifically in relation to how the ginger community denounces them and all they stand for).
But yes, members of the ginger community do share a sense of camaraderie with each other, which is very fortunate, as there are basically only a few dozen of us on the planet (we really need to stick together). We’ll always lock eyes with each other, offering the occasional wink and, literally every time, without fail, the “knowing smile” that only other gingers will recognize. We’re all essentially “partners-in-crime,” except we aren’t established partners, and we typically aren’t committing crimes together (seriously though—if you can find 2 gingers at any point in history that were ACTUAL partners-in-crime, please email me immediately… that’d be a great motion picture idea…).
This brings me to my next point:
Those who dye their hair red are NOT recognized by the ginger community. In fact, we actually DISLIKE you.
Allow me to demonstrate—if there’s a crowded room—say a convention hall—and there are thousands of people in the room, there are bound to be at least a few gingers. In addition, there is bound to be at least one shmuck who said to his or herself, “you know what? I’m going to dye my hair red…” Throw all these ingredients into one massively crowded room—what do you get?
You get the natural gingers (we call ourselves “the homemades”) making eye contact with each other, telepathically speaking about the jacka** in the room who decided to dye his/her hair red.
That’s right.
Natural gingers ridicule those who dye their hair red. We call them “store-boughts,” because they had to buy their hair color at the store, and because store-bought things are always worse than homemade things.
Yep—we frown upon store-boughts so much that we have an insulting nickname for them for whenever they come up in conversation at our meetings.
You didn’t know that, did you?
Well, consider yourself enlightened by the ginger charm, because this is all true.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
