The other day, I discussed how, whenever I accidentally lock eyes with a stranger, I never look away first.
Today, I’d like to discuss something similar.
Whenever I’m walking in the opposite direction as somebody, if one of us has to stop and let the other pass through first (due to narrowness of doorway, an object precluding simultaneous walk-pasts, etc), I always make sure the other person walks by first, like a gentleman, but with my hidden agenda.
Here’s the thing: there’s an unwritten rule among all men that, whichever of the two men lets the other walk through first is the ALPHA, and the “man” who does walk through first, thanking the Alpha for his “generosity,” is the BETA.
You see, you’d think that the person who walks through first is the Alpha for taking what he wants, but that actually doesn’t apply here (ironically).
Instead, in this situation specifically, both individuals’ initial reaction is, “you go ahead.” Because the embryonic desire of both parties is to let the other go first, the Alpha is the one who FORCES the Beta to go first.
How does the Alpha do this? Never backing down.
SITUATION A
ALPHA: “You go ahead.”
BETA: “No, you go ahead.”
ALPHA: “No, seriously. I insist. You go ahead.”
Normally, this is where the interchange would end, due primarily to the Beta’s discomfort in being a contrarian to the Alpha.
Fortunately, I’ve trained myself in taking this interchange a step further to escape “The Beta Cycle.”
SITUATION B
BETA: “You go ahead.”
ME: “No, you go ahead.”
BETA: “No, seriously. I insist. You go ahead.”
ME: “Eh, nice try, but you’re going first, and that’s the end of it.”
You see what just happened there? The Beta was ALMOST the Alpha, but he gave in to my persistence, making me the Alpha.
80% of the time, Situation A is how these interactions shake down. There’s typically an initial pushback, followed by an almost-instant docility.
19% of the time, Situation B occurs. An initial pushback, followed by a more persistent pushback, followed by a reluctant submission.
You may be asking yourself (if you are a math wizard) how, considering 80% and 19% only add up to 99%, where the other 1% may be?
Well, allow me to demonstrate what the final 1% of these interactions looks like, one of which I was unlucky enough to encounter last Friday, at work.
Situation C
ALPHA: “You go ahead.”
ME: “No, you go ahead.”
ALPHA: “No, seriously. I insist. You go ahead.”
ME: “Eh, nice try. You’re going first, and that’s the end of it.”
ALPHA: “Not going to happen.”
(I gasp, panicking at the Alpha’s incredibly confidence, which I erroneously believed I possessed, but am now realizing I lack)
ME: “Excuse me? I can wait, you know. I have all day.”
ALPHA: “Let’s not make a whole big thing out of this, ok? Let’s just go, bud.”
Yeah, you can guess what happened next (I gave in…).
I’ve never seen anything like this before. What persistence!
I hope to one day be as confident as this Alpha. I may win 99% of my interactions, but this guy wins all 100%, like a real man.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
