I hope all of you are ready to hear some of the unsung difficulties of masculinity because they’re coming in hot.
Though women have historically endured far greater difficulties than men, we have our fair share of difficulties too.
I’m intimidating. I’m an intimidating dude.
Even when I’m not intentionally trying to be intimidating, people are intimidated by me. My soulless gaze is enough to terrify anyone, and that doesn’t even include the fact that I’m physically massive.
Occasionally (though it seems like a daily occurrence), I will find myself walking behind a small woman, for no reason other than the fact that we’re headed in the same direction.
For most people, specifically other women, you could just continue walking behind the small woman and there would be no problem.
As a tall man, I take bigger steps than the tiny woman. It takes her 3 steps to cover just one of my steps. I have a huge stride. In turn, I walk faster than virtually everyone else on the street.
When walking behind a small woman, however, both you and she become nervous. She’s nervous because there’s a massive man walking behind her who’s gradually closing in. You’re nervous because you know that she’s probably thinking you have malicious intent, though you’re really just trying to get by.
Why don’t you just not pass her? Walk more slowly until you go your separate ways. Keep a distance and walk more slowly. Then you won’t be suspicious, not that you have a reason to be.
It’s not that simple.
You see, this might be even scarier to the woman. If I were to do this, she’d be thinking to herself, “why is this guy trailing me? What’s he up to?”
Instead, I’ve gotten my strategy down to a science.
If possible, I walk as far on the other side of the sidewalk as possible, cough occasionally, breathe heavily (to alert her of my presence, so as to not be acting sneaky), and then quickly pass by her and continue on my merry way. If it’s raining out and I have a hood up, I immediately drop the hood. I’d rather get soaked in the rain than hit with a purse and called a “jerk” when I’m just trying to get to my car.
In almost every case, I think honesty is the best answer. However, honesty is definitely a more dangerous maneuver here. You can’t say a single word to the woman, because anything you do say WILL be taken out of context if you’re the only 2 on the street, especially if it’s nighttime.
I can’t tell you the number of times I want to tell the woman as I pass by her, “look—I promise I’m not going to hurt you. You’re just slower than I am, and I’m trying to get by without looking suspicious, not that you have anything to be suspicious of from me. I’m a good person. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not.”
But you can’t do that. As much as you want to, it’s better to suck it up and scooch by as quickly as possible.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
