I feel like half of The Daily Clot posts lately have been bathroom-related, but so much sh*t goes on in the bathroom ( no pun intended), so I feel obligated to write about it.
Here’s some more premium, Grade A, high test bathroom content for you.
The men’s room has 3 kinds of people. Every man on the planet falls into one of these 3 categories.
There’s the normal-type. You go in, you urinate, you wash your hands, you leave. Pretty standard, really. Most of us land under this category, I’d imagine.
There’s the speedy-type. This one races to the urinal, stands there for, like, 6 seconds, and is somehow already done. He rushes to the sink, “washes” his hands, and sprints back out of the bathroom.
There’s the slow-type. This one is my least favorite. You walk into the bathroom. There’s a massive, hairy bear of a man standing at the urinal. You use the urinal on the other side of the room, wash your hands (with copious amounts of soap), dry them off, and make for the exit. The man is still standing at the same urinal, showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon. How is this possible? These are the kinds of questions I’m not going to try to answer, for fear of what the answer might entail. 15 minutes later, he washes his hands like he just MURDERED someone with them. He scrubs like a damn lunatic. If you encounter the slow-type using the sink when you enter the room, do not engage. Use the urinal quickly, wash your own hands, and leave. If unprovoked, he will do no harm. If provoked, he will tell you all about how his old high school football team almost went all the way to nationals back in the ’80s, to which you’ll respond, “Oh, um, good. For you guys, I mean,” followed by an abrupt smile, sigh, and exit.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
