Why does the human species feel so compelled to love and be loved?
Think about it. They spend most of their lives working. They stop working once they leave their prime. Then they enjoy a gradual decline in physical and mental health until their bodies ultimately cease to function, and then they die.
Animals in nature prance around without asking themselves existential questions.
Consider the moose. It’s a rather solitary animal; it only mates in the Spring and spends the rest of the year entirely alone. The moose doesn’t think to himself, “life is great and all, but I wish I had a lady-moose to share my forest with. I’m sick of trying to binge Mad Men alone—I need a moose-partner to keep me motivated during the dull parts, which is most of the show. Come to think of it, I don’t even like Mad Men. I’ve heard it’s a slow burn, but I’m not so sure anymore. So far, it’s been all slow and no burn. You know what? Fu*k Mad Men. Fu*k you too, Jon Hamm.”
No.
The moose doesn’t need a partner. The moose knows his death is inevitable, but he still struggles for survival until he can’t do so anymore.
But why?
Aside from reproducing every Spring, the moose doesn’t do a damn thing. He doesn’t bring anything to the table in terms of friendships. He’s not funny. He’s not smart. He’s not athletic. He’s DEFINITELY not ambitious in the slightest. He has nothing to live for.
Do you know what the moose does? The moose does $1.1 billion in property damage annually, and he also kills 250 people every year.
Consider for a moment: if the planet decided to eliminate all but the 40,000 genetically-strongest moose (a male/female mix, which we’d divide among all zoos worldwide to allow for their controlled reproduction), we’d have a major food supply for the next 100 years (if we freeze some of the meat, obviously). We’d save $1.1 billion dollars every year from property damage, which would mean we could give every homeless person in the country $2,000 every year just by ridding the world of moose forever. That’s $5.50 per homeless person, per day, meaning every homeless person the country could get 2 Big Macs every day, and they’d each have 50 cents left over every night for 5 sticks of Bazooka gum.
What are we waiting for? We don’t need moose. Death to all moose.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
