Sin.
“Sin” is a noun meaning, “an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.” I decided at a young age that if I never sinned, I could never be held accountable for moral wrongdoing.
The last time I sinned was 3 years ago (I told this kid I wouldn’t rest until I hunted down his entire family because he dropped a book on me when I fell asleep in class. Come to think of it, this may have been warranted, so I’m not even going to count this as a sin).
I technically haven’t committed any moral wrongdoing in 3 years.
“We’re all human though. All humans make mistakes. You’re no exception, stupid ginger idiot.”
Maybe I’m not human though, because I know for a fact that I haven’t made any mistakes—IN THREE YEARS (maybe more if we decide to not count my threatening that kid). I haven’t once, in three years, said anything bad about anybody who didn’t deserve it.
Some people are going to read this and go, “hey, you scream and curse at people on the phone all the time! That’s sinning!” To those people, I don’t ever yell at people unless they have expressly deserved it, so this isn’t a sin as much as carrying out the sentence they deserve (in this case, just absolutely annihilating them verbally).
I haven’t said anything rude to anyone in three years unless they’ve fired the first shot. That being said, I’ve said some awful things to people, but they’ve always initiated the confrontation with their words or actions, so it’s still not a sin on my part (ha!).
When I’m standing on line at a restaurant and somebody cuts in front of me, I’ll give them the old, “did you really not see me, or are you just purposefully being an a**hole?” Every time, they apologize and move to the back of the line. “But Mike, this seems rude!” Does it? Because it’s impossible to accidentally cut me in line. I’m 6 and a half feet tall and have copper-red hair. You can’t NOT see me. Every one of these line-cutters knew exactly what they were doing, so I have absolutely no regrets about making them feel like tremendous piles of human waste. I wasn’t sinning—I was doing God’s work. I’m making the world a better place by absolutely obliterating these trash-people verbally. What would Jesus do if someone cut him in line? Would he go, “Oh, excuse me. You cut me in line,” or would he go, “Hey, idiot. Wait in line like the rest of us!” I think he’d go with the latter.
I’m a honker. I like to honk when I drive.
I have places to be. I can’t sit at a green light behind somebody finishing his/her text. No.
I leaned on the horn for 5 full seconds yesterday. 5 FULL SECONDS. That doesn’t sound like very long, does it? Well, for your reference, go to your car, set a timer, and hold the horn for 5 full seconds. THAT’S A POWER MOVE. 5 seconds is like a decade in pedestrian-time.
Honking at people isn’t a sin either. These people all deserve what they get because of their impertinence.
When people don’t drive when the light turns green, there’s a part of me, deep down, that hopes they get t-boned by an 18-wheeler running the red light. This part of me is way, way down there—but it’s undeniably present.
This post has devolved into me describing the details of my anger. Back to basics.
I don’t sin, or whatever.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
