For those of you who haven’t followed Bloodclot Films’ latest news, you may not know this, but our office is currently inhabited by multiple incubi. Incubi (plural- “incubus”) are not entities that you’d like to find anywhere you interact with, especially if you plan on regularly spending absurd amounts of time there.
Being the CEO & Co-Founder of a film production start-up, and retaining the responsibilities of every department that will eventually have entire teams performing these duties, I myself spend many hours working on this venture alone, regularly clocking 100-hour workweeks.
Because I don’t want to be assaulted by lustful demons while working, I’ve found a temporary office in which I can reside until we have an exorcism of our headquarters. Where, you may ask, is Bloodclot Films currently working out of?
Virtually every night, I’m at Panera Bread until closing time. I’ve found that I’d rather pay a few bucks to get a drink (all I’m really paying for is a receipt so they can’t call the police for loitering) and spend twelve hours at Panera than save those few dollars and deal with Damien (the worst of the incubi).
For the time being, Panera really isn’t a big deal. The other day, a group of young ladies asked me about the pen I was sporting (it was a Pilot Metropolitan—it’s Japanese). Reluctantly, I told them, “it’s the Pilot Metropolitan—it’s from Japan,” to which they replied, “that’s so cool. What kind of ink you got going on in there?” I then proceeded to unintentionally sell six products on behalf of Pilot, because this conversation ultimately evolved into 3 of those 5 young women purchasing a Pilot Metropolitan, as well as Pilot’s Japanese Jet Black Ink, on their phones, ON THE SPOT.
From this experience alone, I learned why it’s important to invest in Pilot now because it’s such a rare opportunity that will yield incredible reward, in addition to making 5 new friends, 3 of whom are now sporting Pilot Metropolitans as their daily pen. I effectively gave these young ladies an intervention. Like recovering addicts, they’re now clean of the terrors that come with these awful excuses for writing instruments. They now understand the importance of valuing a personal signature more highly than a 50 cent Papermate.
Between 1347 and 1351, approximately 75-200 million people died as a result of the Black Plague. The world population was less than 500 million prior to the plague. This means 15-40% of the world population died from the Black Plague.
Unfortunately, this tragedy would be considered “a walk in the park” and “a joke” to fountain pen users.
Currently, less than 0.001% of the global population uses fountain pens (Good Housekeeping, October 2011 Issue). Essentially, the remaining 99.999% of ballpoint pen users are plagued by the Black Death.
Singlehandedly, I myself am the antidote to this awful, awful situation. Groups of 5 young women “just enjoying a cup of coffee at Panera” at a time, I’m converting the ballpoint pen users to the fountain pen community.
It’s significantly more difficult to forge a signature written with a fountain pen than with a ballpoint pen. I CANNOT risk the forgery of my signature. Anything I write retains a much higher value than a 50 cent ballpoint pen, thank you very much.
Apologies if this got angry towards the end there. I’ve been hot lately; I need to cool down.
Until next time,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder
Special thanks to Aubrey, Brianna, Brooklyn, Eva, and Kylie. Enjoy the pens.
